What's the reason marriages fail? It isn't money problems, sexual issues, or incompatibility, marriages fail because of selfishness. Plain and simple - but not so simple to remedy.

Selfishness in small doses is a normal human glitch, and when selfishness is recognized and followed up with hugs and selflessness the damage is minimal. But when selfishness becomes commonplace, when it becomes a personality trait or when it is not replaced with selflessness the relationship begins to take on damage.

Every argument, every dissatisfied moment is a side effect of selfishness. Selfishness is recognized in those moments when you say to yourself, "I just want...," "He needs to...," and any time you blame another for your lack of fulfillment.

"But don't I deserve to have what I want?" people ask me. Sure you do, but that is irrelevant in creating a happy marriage. Marriage needs nurturing, and that requires filling the emotional needs of your partner. Of course you can't fill all of your partners needs - it takes a village - so to speak, but you have made a commitment to do what you can, every day, to make your partner happy to be with you. When your partner feels valued and loved you will discover that your needs will be met as well.

The next time you find yourself murmuring, feeling dissatisfied with your life or your partner, turn that selfish thought into an opportunity to make your partner happy. Stop punishing him with your backhanded jabs or your needy expectations and turn your attention to discovering what you can do to make your relationship better.

When You Disagree about Politics

Religion and politics are topics that can create hostility and even feelings of hopelessness. In intimate relationships it is not uncommon for a couple to decide not to vote because of their differing views and opinions. More than once I hear my mother say that she wasn't going to vote because her vote would only cancel out my father's vote. She was a democrat and he a republican.

Now as an avidly voting adult I can see the irrational excuse she used to keep from voting. If everyone used that rationale the election results would have to be decided ahead of time and then only those voting for the winning team, and only the number of voters who made the difference between winning and loosing, would be allowed to vote.

The truth is that EVERY VOTE COUNTS! Of course there will be someone somewhere who will vote opposite you, but that in no way nullifies your vote. Statisticians have for decades have understood that if every citizen actually voted our American history, and certainly our future might be very different.

So next week, ditch all of the rationalizations and take the opportunity, given only to those living in a free society, and express yourself, regardless of how your partner is voting. If keeping silent about your opinion will keep the peace at home, take about something you both can agree on, like making love or going for a drive in the country.