Restraining Orders and Self Protection

Unfortunately some intimate relationships end badly. The couple separates and a restraining order is filed.

A restraining order is a legal order of protection for someone who has been or who feels victimized by another person. Most restraining orders specify how far the person in question has to stay away from the person who filed. It also lists other legal boundaries that need to be enforced such as no phone calls, emails, or any other direct or indirect communication with the victim.

The biggest problems that I see with most couples who have a restraining order in place is 1. the victim breaches the order by initiating or allowing contact with the perpetrator 2. the victim doesn't report all of the perpetrators attempts at contact 3. family members don't take the restraining order seriously and allow themselves to be used as go-betweens.

Restraining orders are not awarded haphazardly and they need to be respected and honored by everyone involved. If the victim chooses to disregard the restraining order in any way it automatically becomes null and void, rendering it useless. Law officers cannot take action if the order has been violated by the victim.

Family members will always take sides in a family dispute, but it is important for them to refuse to breach a restraining order. they should never pass on messages for the perpetrator regardless of how innocent they believe him/her to be. Doing so can put their loved one in legal or physical jeopardy.

The person who filed the restraining order should keep an accurate and detailed list of all attempts at contact the perpetrator makes. List dates, times and the action taken. Then call and report the attempted contact to the police. Neglecting to report attempted breaches will only cause the perpetrator to believe that you have no desire to enforce the order. And that can lead to devastating results.

Overcome the Stress of Moving

With the housing market in the US causing people to relocate at an alarming rate I thought it appropriate to blog about the stress of moving on marriage and other intimate relationships.

The stress caused by relocating is 2nd only to the death of a loved one. And like dealing with a death, it takes about 2 years before a family fully recuperates and begins to feel at home in their new location. This is true even when you have only moved a few blocks, but the stress a family experiences can be exacerbated by factors such as financial difficulties, starting a new job, children starting in new schools, and leaving friends and family behind.

Even the most loving and committed couple can suffer periods of anxiety and marital discord during and after a move. For couples who are already dealing with threats to their relationship, moving may become the relationships final blow.

If relocating is in your future here are some ways to get through it without damaging your family happiness.

1. Stay well within your budget when choosing a place to rent or purchase. Few things create discord more intensely than getting into a home that is putting a strain on your wallet. It is much wiser to choose fewer bells and whistles and maintain family harmony.

2. Hire professional movers. Call the chamber of commerce and Better Business Bureau to find out if the moving company you are considering has any complaints against it and how the company responded to the complaints.

3. Helping to alleviate your child's stress will also alleviate yours. Take your child with you when choosing a new home. Show them the school they will attend as well as the parks, church building and library they will be living near.

4. Be kind to each other. Share your happiness as well as your concerns with each other. Include your partner in all of the decisions that have to be made regarding the move.

5. After moving in have a getting to know you party for your family. Invite neighbors and church members and school mates. Get involved in the community as quickly as possible in order to make friends and increase your support network.

6. Spend time together getting to know the new area. Take turns driving to major shopping areas and other local business. Take walks in the neighborhood together and locate museums, historical landmarks and picnic areas where you can spend time together.

7. Listen to each other. After a few months, if your partner begins to complain of loneliness or depression be sensitive. Make plans to visit old friends and family during the next holiday or long weekend. Do what you can to spend more time together.

Moving is stressful enough with packing, choosing a new home, and working to fit in to a new community. But by following a few easy steps you can reduce that stress to manageable levels.