This morning the biggest massacre in US history took place at Virginia Tech. 32 innocent people were gunned down by a gunman who then killed himself. Because the latest information is indicating that the gunman may have been a scorned boyfriend, I am using this blog to once again, list the 20 warning signs of an abusive boyfriend. My thoughts and prayers are with those who are suffering tonight.
20 Warning signs of an abusive boyfriend
1. He likes to play rough or wrestle with you
2. He tries to tell you what you should/should not wear
3. He tells you who you can/cannot be friends with - controlling
4. He checks up on you often to see where you are or what you are doing or expects you to check in with him frequently - isolates you from friends & family
5. He is aggressive in other areas of his life or with other people
6. He has explosive outbursts or a "Jeckel/Hyde" personality
7. He thinks pushing (even in "fun") is not abuse
8. You feel that you cannot do any better than him
9. He does not take responsibility for his own words or actions - blames you for his bad behavior
10. Has great difficulty expressing a wide range of emotions other than anger
11. Has little or no empathy for others
12. He minimizes and rationalizes his abusive actions and words - "it wasn't that bad," or "she deserved it."
13. He tries to monopolize your life (expecting you to spend all your time with him)
14. Says, "I love you" very early on in the relationship (within a few weeks)
15. Confuses jealousy/possessiveness with love
16. Often has an abusive home-life
17. May do drugs/alcohol
18. May have guns or a weapon collection
19. He calls you sexist or derogatory names, as if they were terms of endearment
20. Threatens to hurt himself or you if he doesn't get his way or if you talk about leaving him.
Tuesday
To The Rescue - Defending your Mate
Scene in a restaurant:
A mother scolds her six-year-old son for hitting his his brother. The boy turns to his mother and yells "That's stupid!" The father instantly turns to the six-year-old, looks the boy in the eyes and says, "You are disrespecting the woman I love. I don't ever want to hear you yell at her again."
It is no coincidence that as the level of respect for adult authority drops in our society, the levels of elder abuse and domestic crimes go up. Likewise, the stronger and more unified the parental unit is, the happier children are in the home environment. These are not unsubstantiated statements, they are fact.
One of the best ways to state the power of your love for your spouse is to come to their defense when you hear someone speaking disrespectfully to them or attempting to take liberties with them. It is in fact your duty to protect your spouse, physically, spiritually and emotionally from any form of attack. This doesn't infer that you believe that they are not capable of protecting themselves, it is instead, setting boundaries for your children and the world that implies that you will not tolerate abuse of any kind toward your loved ones.
Your children, and even your friends and extended family will learn that you expect them to conduct themselves respectfully toward your loved ones. Consequently, your children will begin to learn empathy for others as well as the value of a loving relationship. And everyone else will learn that they cannot come between you and your spouse.
Be an example of love and respect to the ones who mean the most to you.
A mother scolds her six-year-old son for hitting his his brother. The boy turns to his mother and yells "That's stupid!" The father instantly turns to the six-year-old, looks the boy in the eyes and says, "You are disrespecting the woman I love. I don't ever want to hear you yell at her again."
It is no coincidence that as the level of respect for adult authority drops in our society, the levels of elder abuse and domestic crimes go up. Likewise, the stronger and more unified the parental unit is, the happier children are in the home environment. These are not unsubstantiated statements, they are fact.
One of the best ways to state the power of your love for your spouse is to come to their defense when you hear someone speaking disrespectfully to them or attempting to take liberties with them. It is in fact your duty to protect your spouse, physically, spiritually and emotionally from any form of attack. This doesn't infer that you believe that they are not capable of protecting themselves, it is instead, setting boundaries for your children and the world that implies that you will not tolerate abuse of any kind toward your loved ones.
Your children, and even your friends and extended family will learn that you expect them to conduct themselves respectfully toward your loved ones. Consequently, your children will begin to learn empathy for others as well as the value of a loving relationship. And everyone else will learn that they cannot come between you and your spouse.
Be an example of love and respect to the ones who mean the most to you.
Saying "I Do Not" May Save Your Life
If you have tuned into any of those detective shows or the real crime dramas lately, you may have notice that after murdering their spouse, the killer makes a statement like this: "The minute I said 'I do' I knew I was making a big mistake."
I have known several people who, during a divorce claimed that they had serious doubts about marrying their partner, but they felt that it was too late to back out - too much hassle to send back presents or to have to talk to the guests and explain yourself while hearing un-asked for opinions that have little to do with your situation.
I have a cousin who had arranged a huge, very costly wedding in a temple that was so popular that she had to jump through hoops to get everything else planned around it. She had friends and family literally from all over the world flying in for the big event. But for weeks she had secretly been having doubts. She didn't even tell her mother or her best friend because she felt so afraid of the ridicule that would come her way if she backed out at this point.
So on her wedding day, kneeling across the alter from her fiancee, she began to cry. These weren't tear's of happiness, they were tears of panic, and a sure knowledge that this was going to become a very bad union.
When it came time for the "I Do" she tearfully said "I can't" She stood and apologized to everyone in the room and told them that she had the strongest feeling that she was marrying the wrong man. It all caused quite a stir, but it wasn't long before the ripples settled down and she was able to see that she had made the right choice.
Her fiancee went on to marry another beautiful young woman, and it wasn't long before she was being physically abused. Within 7 years she was dead, he was in jail and the young children were in shelters.
You have gut feeling for a reason, You need to become aware of them and listen to them. No amount of embarrassment is greater than the death of a young mother or the pain children feel when they are raised in an unhappy home.
I have known several people who, during a divorce claimed that they had serious doubts about marrying their partner, but they felt that it was too late to back out - too much hassle to send back presents or to have to talk to the guests and explain yourself while hearing un-asked for opinions that have little to do with your situation.
I have a cousin who had arranged a huge, very costly wedding in a temple that was so popular that she had to jump through hoops to get everything else planned around it. She had friends and family literally from all over the world flying in for the big event. But for weeks she had secretly been having doubts. She didn't even tell her mother or her best friend because she felt so afraid of the ridicule that would come her way if she backed out at this point.
So on her wedding day, kneeling across the alter from her fiancee, she began to cry. These weren't tear's of happiness, they were tears of panic, and a sure knowledge that this was going to become a very bad union.
When it came time for the "I Do" she tearfully said "I can't" She stood and apologized to everyone in the room and told them that she had the strongest feeling that she was marrying the wrong man. It all caused quite a stir, but it wasn't long before the ripples settled down and she was able to see that she had made the right choice.
Her fiancee went on to marry another beautiful young woman, and it wasn't long before she was being physically abused. Within 7 years she was dead, he was in jail and the young children were in shelters.
You have gut feeling for a reason, You need to become aware of them and listen to them. No amount of embarrassment is greater than the death of a young mother or the pain children feel when they are raised in an unhappy home.
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