Every new bride and groom fantasize that their marriage will be that one made in heaven, the one that lasts forever. In love, and blinded by the intense emotions and hormones that a young couple feels, it is easy to overlook the warning signs that their marriage may be doomed from the start.
Here are some proven, statistical truths that you can use as your guideline before jumping head-over-heals into marriage.
1. No doubt, getting married too young can be the downfall of a relationship later on. at 18 or 19 a humans brain hasn't finished developing yet. Consequently the way we feel, the type of person we are attracted to and the person we are will dramatically change by the time we are 25. Statistics show that the best odds for staying married applies to couples who are around age 28 when they say "I do." Love isn't enough - a long lasting relationship takes a great deal of maturity too.
2. First marriage in the United States have about a 40-50% chance of ending in divorce. If one or both partners have been married once before the likely hood of divorce goes up to about 67%. If their are any children involved the probability of a divorce goes up dramatically from there to between 70-75%. Each subsequent failed marriage a person has gone through increases the chance that a subsequent marriage will end in divorce.
3. The more basic-lifestyle similarities a couple share the better their chances are for marrying for life. Specifically, if they share the same spiritual and/or religious beliefs, have similar cultural, social and racial backgrounds, and they share basic values, their marriage has a better chance of surviving and remaining fulfilling throughout their life together.
I know it is hard to look love in the face and be honest about your relationships probable downfalls, but rationalizing away your choice to marry for the wrong reasons can lead to a devastating conclusion. Beware and Be aware.
Friday
Getting What you Focus On
Why is it that we can so easily become so focused on our partner's faults that we let ourselves place our emotional energy on the negative instead of looking for and being grateful for the wonderful things about them that attracted us to begin with?
First we start to think about something that our partner does or doesn't do that annoys us, scares us or otherwise goes against our grain.
Then we begin to become resentful that they don't seem to be changing and becoming the person we wish them to be.
Finally we make attempts to control them, belittle them and/or complain about their supposed flaw.
The end result is that we train ourselves to focus on the negative instead of appreciating all the positives. And our partner begins to feel guilty, oppositional, and/or worthless.
Perhaps our man doesn't want to eat "girl food" and instead eats pizza and burgers. We may complain about it, ridicule him for it try to control his eating behaviors and in the end we become so worked up about food that we make the matter worse and our relationship begins to suffer.
Wouldn't it be better to stop trying to change our partner and instead focus our energy on loving them? Focusing on all the wonderful things s/he does to enrich our life, to bring happiness to our home and to make us smile would be a much better way to relate to them. And in the end, regardless of how much pizza he eats. both of you will be happier. Your children will grow up in a loving home and by seeing your example, they will learn how to pick their battles.
Of course all of us falter from time to time, and that doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble. If your moments of dissatisfaction are infrequent just acknowledging that you made a mistake and apologizing will go a very log way. Catching yourself and repairing the damage will help you to refrain from saying something negative the next time he does something you don't like.
There are no perfect people out there, and even if their were, they would have habits and quirks that occasionally annoyed us. So make a list of all the reasons you love your partner. Then think about how lucky you are to have that person in your life.
First we start to think about something that our partner does or doesn't do that annoys us, scares us or otherwise goes against our grain.
Then we begin to become resentful that they don't seem to be changing and becoming the person we wish them to be.
Finally we make attempts to control them, belittle them and/or complain about their supposed flaw.
The end result is that we train ourselves to focus on the negative instead of appreciating all the positives. And our partner begins to feel guilty, oppositional, and/or worthless.
Perhaps our man doesn't want to eat "girl food" and instead eats pizza and burgers. We may complain about it, ridicule him for it try to control his eating behaviors and in the end we become so worked up about food that we make the matter worse and our relationship begins to suffer.
Wouldn't it be better to stop trying to change our partner and instead focus our energy on loving them? Focusing on all the wonderful things s/he does to enrich our life, to bring happiness to our home and to make us smile would be a much better way to relate to them. And in the end, regardless of how much pizza he eats. both of you will be happier. Your children will grow up in a loving home and by seeing your example, they will learn how to pick their battles.
Of course all of us falter from time to time, and that doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble. If your moments of dissatisfaction are infrequent just acknowledging that you made a mistake and apologizing will go a very log way. Catching yourself and repairing the damage will help you to refrain from saying something negative the next time he does something you don't like.
There are no perfect people out there, and even if their were, they would have habits and quirks that occasionally annoyed us. So make a list of all the reasons you love your partner. Then think about how lucky you are to have that person in your life.
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