The Death of a Child and its Impact on Marriage

The death of a child due to illness, accident or any other reason can have an disabling impact on a couple’s marriage.

Sometimes the loss may bring a couple closer to one another. However for many couples, the stress and pain of their unfathomable loss causes bitterness and anger that can cause them to grow apart.

Men and women deal with loss differently. Women often have large support networks with whom they share their feelings and get support. Men often hide their emotions and attempt to deal with their feelings by focusing on work or caretaking their grieving family. It is important that both understand the other's way of dealing with grief, and it important that each of them allow themselves to completely work through the grief process.

Women may expect their husband to cry more or to show their feelings the way they do. Men may feel the need to be stoic or to hide their emotions to appear strong for their family. Neither tactic is helpful in such a painful situation.

One person may have the desire for more closeness or intimacy while the other needs more time alone. Both are normal, but the differing ways in which each needs to heal may interfere with either getting their needs met. It is important for each family member to communicate their needs and to resolve conflicts openly.

To insure that the relationship remain healthy and strong it is important that they consciously invest more time in each other. Strong happy family life requires much time and attention, but after the death of a child time can make the difference between making it through as a couple or not. This rule holds true for siblings of the deceased child. Too often the grieving couple forget that their other children are in just as much pain as they are. They too need extra time and opportunity to express themselves.

If you and your spouse are having difficulty in your relationship get references from a trusted source for a good couples counselor. Doing so can save your marriage and your family from the additional agony of divorce.

If you or a loved one is suffering the loss of a child and they appear to be stuck in their grief process, suggest grief counseling to them. Better yet, look up some of the grief counselors and grief groups in their area and do the footwork for them. Grief can be immobilizing, making it too difficult to do the work of finding the right group or counselor.

You can survive the loss of your child. You and your family can come out the other side in tact. Be loving and patient with yourself, and give yourself time to heal.