Money, Sex & Selfishness

Most people believe that the typical cause of failed relationships is money and/or sex; not so. Although money or sex issues can be prominent symptoms in a bad relationship, they are not the root cause of the problem. Rather, it is pride and selfishness that is at the core of most marriage and relationship issues.

People tend to think of themselves as more giving than selfish and more humble than prideful. But everyone has aspects of their personality which are both selfish and prideful. It is when these egocentric characteristics inflate to the point of causing conflict in a relationship that they have to be acknowledged and dealt with.

Abusive and controlling partners are exhibiting extreme selfishness, while stubborn uncompromising partners are exhibiting extreme levels of pride. Both have convinced themselves that their own desires are paramount and justified, but actually each is behaving in a way that can destroy their relationship.

Even the most extreme issues can be resolved if each person is willing to recognize how their own selfish or prideful behaviors are negatively impacting the relationship. Each person needs to be willing to humble themselves enough to change their own bad behaviors and replace them with behaviors that will positively impact the relationship. If the abusive partner is willing to be less selfish and demanding, more forgiving and compassionate the abuse will stop and the love can flourish.

The solution is simple, but implementing that solution to the degree that is needed in order to create a happy relationship requires a lot of ongoing introspection and behavioral changing. It takes constant personal housecleaning and a strong commitment to replace old habits with positive nurturing behaviors.

So if you find yourself pointing fingers at your partner, believing that s/he is “the problem,” take a look at yourself instead and begin to become the person you would want to be with if you were in their shoes. Remember, the only person you have control over is yourself. And a mighty change can take place in your relationship if you start by changing you.