In a marriage that is to stand the test of time, romance is important, but compatibility is critical. Partners in healthy marriages come to agree upon common agendas regarding the directions their marriage will take, and the way each partner will behave. These common agreements may never have been discussed, but they will be present in how each partner chooses to act.
Areas of agreement that partners will have dealt with will generally include:
* Friendship. Successful partners develop a significant friendship at the core of their relationship. They genuinely like one another, amuse and comfort one another, and prefer to spend time with each other. This friendship and mutual liking is somewhat separate from other aspects of the relationship (sexuality, for instance), and can survive the loss of these other aspects of the relationship. A strong friendship and mutual liking is often the core to repairing troubled relationships.
* Role expectations. In a healthy marriage each reaches an agreement regarding how household responsibilities are divided and how they will behave towards each other. Traditionally, and still dominantly, the man will take on the majority of financial obligations, while the woman will take on nurturing roles. Tradition has broken down significantly in the industrialized west over the last century, however, and it is not at all uncommon to find 'women' who take on financial obligations, 'men' who take on nurturing roles, or to find both partners sharing these roles to one degree or another. But it is the couples agreement about who will be in charge of what that is essential to marital bliss. Failure to reach agreement regarding roles can be a major source of conflict.
These are only two more keys to a successful marriage. More will be covered in future blogs.
No comments:
Post a Comment