Four Steps to a Happier Marriage

Women often ask me what I consider to be the most important qualities in a successful marriage. I tell them there are too many to list, but there are a few that are at the top of my priority list. Here are four important qualities to a successful relationship.

* Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
Too often we women are so afraid of loosing control of our lives that we go overboard attempting to control everyone and everything around us. But attempting to control your man is a sure-fire way to cause him to begin to feel resentful and annoyed with you. Women need to realize and accept that their husband is an adult and is very capable of making up his own mind about how he conducts himself in life. Trying to control his behaviors is a way of elevating yourself (insinuating that you are perfect and nave all the right answers) and putting him down (suggesting that he doesn't know enough to make right choices). No one wants to live with that for any length of time.

* Express your needs while also respecting your husband's choices
Learning to express your opinion and feelings in a clear and honest way is a great way to create intimacy and trust in a relationship - unless you have a hidden agenda. Expecting that your husband should change his way of thinking or behaving because YOU have certain feelings is a recipe for failure. Wanting to be listened to is great, but expecting him to change because of your feelings is detrimental to even the strongest relationship. Get over yourself and let him have his own thoughts and feelings. Learn how to agree to disagree.

* Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss your husband
This one seems to be a no-brainer, but you might be surprised how often I hear women castrate their man in front of him or to their friends and acquaintances. Focusing on the negative is another way of holding him to unrealistic expectations while attempting to elevate yourself. Negativity leads to negativity. Start replacing your criticism with praise and you will begin to see your relationships blossom. Even if he never hears it, talking about him in a positive way will help you be happier in the relationhip overall.

* Trust your husband in every aspect of marriage - from sexual to financial.
Regardless of the influences of the woman's movements in the US, men still tend to feel happiest when they believe that they are properly taking care of their family. It really doesn't matter what your opinion is on this subject, it is still the truth. So learning how to appreciate the things your man does for you and your family is a great way to bring the two of you together in a positive way. Help him understand just how important he is to you and the family, and support his efforts to take care of you. He will feel like a real man and you will reap the benefits.